March 2011
8 posts
“I don’t see people eat food anymore, all I see are numbers”
I just want to float out into the atmosphere
Today I went to the doctors.
She was really pro active,
Tomorrow is the beginning of a new era.
It means I have to stay out here for a little longer
But whatever makes me better, right?
For once I am excited to live.
“i love your name, it just rolls off the tongue, fits with my name really well i...”
– My love, my sun.
Today my mother followed me into the bathroom each time so I could not be sick. As we walked around I had to constantly swallow vomit. I had no gum to relieve the putrid taste.
Mm, mexican, hot cocoa, and stomach acid.
I always feel weighed down by my limbs,
I feel the end resonating in my bones more and more every day.
I confided my fears in him; he told me I wasn’t allowed to go until I was in that rocking chair next to him.
He is my sweet, sweet angel. A gift I don’t deserve, but am too selfish to ever let go of.
“it started here, but I sure as hell won’t let it end here”
a little elaboration
Tomorrow I am escaping for a month to see my mother
to get better,
to get stronger,
to get happier,
to get fatter?
we will see how that last one goes.
I feel like writing my story will somehow make it easier, this is not really for anyone to read. But really, who cares if you do? I’m no name to a blank face.
It started with an almost romantic obsession with the athletic club.
Wait,...
now repeat daily.
Consideration:
‘just eat this cake, you’re skin and bones, you need it.’
‘a bowl of soup is good for you, stop worrying about this, dinner isn’t a crime’
The Consumption Process
Beginning :
‘this is delicious why do you sacrifice meals this tasty’
Mid:
‘maybe I should have only had a bite’
End:
‘I can’t believe I convinced myself to do that. Abort mission ABORT MISSION’
Post...
February 2011
4 posts
Every night I mourn the innocence.
I don’t remember the last time I didn’t cry myself to sleep.
Isn’t that a sad existence?
It's twisted.
I am so weak, I cannot even hold my book up to read.
How could I do this?
I hate myself for the selfish things that I have done.
“You don’t look very sick” she said.
I glanced at her
...”